


Connor.

by cabinseven (caphrodite)



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Crushes, Drugs, F/F, F/M, M/M, Onesided Connor Stoll/Katie Gardner, Onesided Travis Stoll/Leo Valdez, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:43:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caphrodite/pseuds/cabinseven
Summary: His family is so… average. His mom’s a waitress, his dad’s a plumber. His loser brother works at 7-Eleven. Connor’s not super smart like his mom hoped him to be, and he’s not athletic like his dad wished. Why couldn’t his life be exciting?





	Connor.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao this is nothing like isos WHOOPSSSSSSSS
> 
> pshhhHHHHHH isos finished like 3 months ago, but whatever because i feel like i can still use the characters and i'm doing this for free so who cares? i don't actually care if anyone reads this, i'm just trying out (very) different voices and opinions, because i'm lowkey tired of writing leo but that's ALL i do. **consider this a learning process for me, then.**
> 
> anyway, i totally planned on doing one shots, but then i totally didn't because i split them into different narratives of connor, drew, jason and nyssa. i'm probably not going to do nyssa because she's well older than me and idk. it's just like. not me? idk. and ummm jason is BORING lmao, so that'll probably result in actual oneshots? idk there's no solid plan for me and that's kind of the way i like that. (tho as for connor and drew, i already started and they each have at least ten pages each so i can't go back now). i prefer thinking of these as COMPANIONS rather than SEQUELS, lol
> 
> as for the title name LMAOOOO, isosceles was named that way for a very specific purpose, but idk this is "just connor" as the protag would describe himself. so y'know. it's just "connor." as for the _series_ name? lmaooo i honestly didn't think this would get this far but we'll figure it out later.
> 
> lets see, about the warnings: i originally tagged it as **No Archive Warnings Apply** but later thought about tagging it as **Underage** because for most of "connor" it'll probably range from his age being 15-18 depending on how i'm feeling. and like, there's a lot of sexual discovery during that time, that i think is very important and happens in daily teen life, but is often censored in american media. anyway, nothing explicit. y'know, mostly rude humor and references like "holy shit katie just gave me a bj" or like "ew travis is having a wet dream"??? this is mostly for fear of getting things wrong (bad anatomy fic lol), and fear of my mom finding my account and shaming me for writing the horizontal tango lmaooooooo XDDD
> 
> anyway, this will be fun i guess, because i don't have a set plan, nor any expectations for this. and as connor's going through his teen years, so am i, so hopefully this will be a bit more raw? okey dokey, we will go on this ride together.

**Connor I**

Nico doesn’t really like them. He only tolerates Connor and Travis because they knew Bianca. He only likes Rachel because their parents are connected.

Connor _really_ wishes it wasn’t like that. He wishes that he had never become Nico’s friend, or Rachel’s friend, or _anyone’s_ friend. It’s just so…

Frustrating. Indefinitely, irritatingly, everlastingly frustrating.

One day he’ll say this. It’ll feel good- it _has_ to feel good. He’ll be free, right? He’ll be happy if he expresses what he thinks, right?

Free.

Happy.

As if.

 

 

He sits, waiting patiently underneath a bright wall decor that tells him that the pharmacy is open 24 hours. The magazine in his lap is smiling up at him, telling him about the miracles of a certain medicine to ease his pain.

Nico’s sitting next to him, slouched over his phone. His eyes dart up occasionally, but never quite hitting Connor.

“Y’know,” Connor starts, swallowing, “you really don’t have to be here with me.”

Nico scratches his nose. “I don’t mind.”

Connor opens his mouth and then closes it. What’s the point? He opens the magazine and skims through it. There’s a small section at the bottom about Who Wears It Better. Connor plays along, slightly enjoying giving fashion tips.

He pretends he’s some sort of fashion guru. _Very nice brooch, but it doesn’t go with those heels_ , he thinks, very much aware of the fact that he doesn’t know about what he’s talking about. For some reason, his inner beauty queen has a French accent. _Those earrings are more boho chic than red carpet_. _Oh, hon hon hon!_

Its fun for the few minutes it lasts. He’s interrupted by the call of his last name. When he gets to the counter, the pharmacist smiles at him. His mom is somewhere in the store and she’s bound to hear the call.

“Here you go,” She says, voice sweet as candy. She presses buttons into her register. “Have a good day.”

 _Yeah, that’s kind of the point of these._ “Er, you too.” He gives a half-hearted smile and lets his mom deal with the rest of the nonsense that comes with prescriptions.

“Do you want something?” Nico asks him. He licks his lips and gestures around the CVS. “I’ll buy.”

“‘Kay,” Connor walks down a few aisles. He hands Nico a Snickers bar. “Pick up gum while you’re up there.”

Nico nods, not really looking at him as he rushes to stand on line. Connor watches with slight interest as his friend lets the woman behind him to skip ahead. He’s careful- Nico is very careful to get to a very specific register.

Connor observes the way Nico gives his weak smile to the employee at the register. Will, which Connor figured out a long time ago, is a beam of sunshine as he openly flirts back. Buying two things shouldn’t take this long. The line of shoppers is slowly getting antsy.

When Nico gets back to Connor, who’s leaning against a stand of reading glasses, he has a small plastic bag and pink cheeks.

“Here,” he shoves the bag into Connor’s stomach. “Where’s your mom?”

“She’s coming,” Connor says. “I told you, you don’t have to come with me.”

“I told you, I don’t mind.” Nico zips up his hoodie up. “I want to make sure you’re okay.”

 _Sure you do_ , Connor nearly remarks. He keeps it to himself like he keeps most thoughts.

 

 

“Damn it, George!” The yell nearly shakes the house, as Connor’s mom storms out of the kitchen. His dad is sitting in the living room, watching college football.

Connor’s lazily sitting in one of the armchairs, trying to figure out a Rubik's cube. He’s never managed to solve one before and he’s slowly been working on this puzzle for a month now. He was going to give it to Travis, but his brother held it in his hands for about 3 seconds before throwing it across the room.

His mom stands in front of the TV with her hands at her hips and a furious look on her face.

“ _Martha,_ ” His dad complains and turns up the volume. He points at the TV with the remote. “Honey, come _on_!”

“What did I tell you about touching the crock pot!” She hollers at him. She waves a dishrag at him. “I _told_ you not to touch it-”

Connor’s dad looks a step away from rolling his eyes, as he leans forward. “Martha, the game!”

This infuriates his wife even more. “The game? The _game?_ George, I am your _wife!_ Is the _game_ going to feed your kids? Huh, George? Is it going to feed you tonight?”

The loud cheers of the football game get turned off when Connor’s dad presses the mute button. He points at her, and swears loudly, “ _Jesus_ , Martha, ever since you got that thing, it’s been crock pot _this_ , crock pot _that!_ Do you-”

Connor slips away into the kitchen. He eyes the object of the ensuing argument warily, breathing in the smell of pot roast. He taps the dirty fish bowl sitting on the counter, muttering to the tiny blue fish that swims away at the gesture. He grabs a water bottle and leaves out the front door, watching Travis dribbling a basketball in the driveway.

Travis shots from the sidewalk- “Boo,” Connor supplies from the sidelines - and the ball hits the rim and bouncing off into the flower beds.

“Dude!” Travis chases after the ball. He uses his arm to swipe at his sweat and steals Connor’s bottle. “What’s up?”

“You haven’t touched that thing in years,” Connor slaps at the ball, sending it rolling into one of their neighbor’s bushes.

Travis whines and lazily throws his arm in the direction of the ball. He sits in the driveway and gulps down half of the water. “So? Gotta get in shape for high school.”

“What?” says Connor.

“Well, duh,” Travis crushes the bottle in his hands. “Me, Katie and Rachel are going to be freshmen, and I gotta protect them.”

“You’re an ass,” Slips out Connor’s mouth. “Rachel can pretty much kick your ass.”

Travis blushes. “... Why can’t you just let that go? It was one game of kickball, and we were like 10.”

“Uh huh,” Connor snickers. “I remember you were all ‘ _Rachel, you’re going down!’_ and then you got your ass handed to you.”

Travis stands up, throwing the crushed plastic at Connor. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, man. Shit’s going to go crazy cause you’re gonna be by yourself next year.”

“Not true,” Connor stands too. “Still got Miranda and Nico.”

“Dude,” Travis gets on his knees to get the ball. He bounces it and forcefully throws it at Connor’s chest. Connor gasps, as the wind gets knocked out of him. “You literally only have two friends.”

“So do you.” Connor throws that ball back just as harshly.

Travis catches it with ease. “Yeah but they’re cute. You just got a bunch of weirdos like you. Hey- wanna play TAPS?”

“Shut up,” Connor bites the inside of his cheek. “And no way, you _always_ cheat!”

“No, I don’t!” Travis dances around him with the ball. “You just go no game, Con.”

He sidesteps Connor and tosses the basketball into the hoop. “Broke your ankles, man.”

“ _Dude!”_

 

 

 

His last year in middle school isn’t great. Connor figures out that without Travis, he’s ultimately more lonely at lunch. Nico sits with him, but it feels like it’s out of obligation. Miranda, a mousy and shy girl who follows Connor around for some unfathomable reason, steadily keeps tabs on him all the time.

As much as Connor misses him during school when he gets home, Travis is a pain and Connor wishes him to go away. It’s a weird see-saw.

If Travis were to leave him, Connor wouldn’t be able to deal with it. He’ll get sad(der) and then he’ll stop leaving his room. Then his mom would send him to the doctor again, and they might increase his dosage. Then he’ll get all drugged up and he might start selling some of his meds. Then he’ll get arrested and go to the jail for crazies like him. That’ll really be something, won’t it?

“Okay, speak slower,” Connor says into the phone as he stares at the fishbowl in the kitchen. His family has a landline, but for some reason, it’s one of those old ones with a curly string connecting the phone and the wall. His parents promised to get him a phone for his 15th birthday though, despite the fact that everyone in his class has one (and teases him for his lack of one).

Miranda’s mumbling on about their science homework. They’re doing a unit on ways to identify rocks, and she’s oddly interested in it.

His mom comes into the kitchen. She kisses his head and taps the fishbowl. “Who are you talking to, honey?”

“No one, mom.” Connor turns away. The bluefish swims around in circles, pressed against the edge of the small bowl. The water’s foggy. He doesn’t even know what type of fish this is. “Just a friend.”

“Ooh,” Connor’s older brother, Luke says as he walks into the kitchen. He ruffles Connor’s hair- who ducks away and swats at him- as he passes through. Luke reaches into a cupboard and takes the crackers. “Looks like little Con’s got himself a _girlfriend._ ”

Connor nearly swears out loud, because Luke is a piece of _shit_. Both of them know how their mother gets when the g-word is mentioned.

“Oh, my little baby’s got a girlfriend?” She tiredly smiles at him, dropping the bowl she had been washing. His mom tries to envelop him in a hug. “Connie, tell me all about her!”

“Mom, get off.” Connor stands still. He drops the phone on the counter. “Mom, seriously.”

“You were always a little ladies man,” His mom reminisces over made-up memories from when Connor was little. Luke’s got on his usual smug shit-eater grin as he searches the fridge. Connor tugs at his mom’s arms.

His mom’s chin is on his shoulder. “Is it that little ginger girl you used to play with? Or that tall blonde?”

“ _Mom!”_ Connor shrieks, standing still. “Get _off!”_

“Oh.” She rips away like velcro. Her feelings are hurt, Connor knows this. It’s her own fault. He doesn’t understand why she has to be so touchy-feely. Why can’t she just be cool? Why can’t she just leave him alone? His mom backs away and wrings her hands together. “I see. You don’t want me to touch you.”

Despite some part of him wanting to say, _No, of course, I need you! Just hug me and never let go!_ there’s a bigger part of him that wants to roll his eyes. His mom leaves, with mumbles of leftovers in the fridge and the shuffle of her slippers.

Connor lifts up the phone, only to hear the dial tone. Miranda must’ve hung up.

Luke’s still in the kitchen though. He plops down cold containers of meatloaf and peas.

He’s still wearing his uniform- a red and black polo shirt from 7-Eleven. How can someone be so smug and entitled when they spend their day cleaning Slurpee machines and still live with their parents?

“Wow,” Luke pops open a blue lid. “Way to be rude to Mom who does everything for you. How does it feel to be a jerk?”

He feels nothing. Nothing important, at least. A bit hungry. Still annoyed at his mom for getting into his personal space like that. “Leave me alone.”

“Aw, don’t be like that,” Luke calls out to him. “You’re gonna be mean to your big bro too?”

Connor clenches and unclenches his fists. Jerk.

 

 

 

Sometime during the summer, they all changed.

A week before summer vacation ends, they all meet up at the bowling alley. There’s only a small one in their town, right in between the supermarket and a shoe store. The building only has space for five lanes.

It’s hot and sticky because the AC is broken. But still, Connor’s friends had wanted to meet there, so he didn’t mind. His upper lip was starting sweat making the beginnings of a mustache that he really didn’t want more obvious. He probably has pit stains because his mom had changed his deodorant brand once again.

“I have so much homework,” Katie Gardner is such a babe. Connor likes watching her speak- he likes the way her pink lips curve over every syllable, and how her teeth are sometimes visible as she smiles between her phrases. She has really straight and white teeth, the product of braces back when she was 11. Such a good decision, Connor decides.

He’s not sure when his friends started to split into. It was bound to happen with such a big group anyway, but it’s an uneven split. Rachel, Nico, and Travis seemed to hang out more together than Connor, Katie, and Miranda. It didn’t help that Katie and Miranda are siblings, so sometimes Connor’s left out of their more personal conversations.

It’s his turn to bowl, so he gets up to pick a ball. It’s green and the holes are too close together so he has to bend his fingers at an awkward angle. He only gets a 7 which is about how good he normally gets anyway.

When he gets back to the cushiony seats, Katie is still talking about her endless amounts of summer homework. She uncrosses and crosses her legs, much to Connor’s delight. Katie’s got these really long legs, and she just got back from vacation in Hawaii so it’s a pretty golden color. They’re hairless too, leading to those big awful bowler shoes. Katie plays lacrosse, and Connor can tell she’s been running around all summer.

Out of the corner of his eye, Connor can say that Miranda’s legs are lackluster. The hair had grown back from when she last shaved a few weeks ago, and she’s wearing these short shorts. The only thing that really changed since he last saw her, was that she got a tan and cut her hair. Her boobs grew a little too, but they’re still really tiny. Katie’s boobs… wow. They look really good in her tank top.

Rachel’s wearing sweatpants so Connor can’t really analyze that. The thought of staring at Nico or his brother’s legs is gross.

He’s not really sure when he started looking at girls. They’ve always been there, but at some point in his life, Connor’s eyes managed to slide from faces and down lower to curves and lips. He knows it’s normal though because Travis has told him _way_ too much about girls.

He talks a lot about their butts, which Connor’s never really interested in.

Connor tries not to be disrespectful though. He keeps his focus upwards whenever a girl talks. But then that normally leads to him staring at their pretty hair, and cute noses. (Katie has a really cute nose and shiny blond hair.)

He wonders if people notice him staring. Is he a known creep in his school? Connor stares an awful lot, so someone’s bound to notice.

Travis jumps into the chair next to him, face stuffed with tater tots. He offers Connor some. “Yo, how are you so good at bowling?” He’s talking to Rachel who had been picking at her nail polish.

“It’s easy,” Rachel says. “You just roll a ball.”

“It’s not that easy!” Travis shouts. He’s really loud. “You probably have your own private bowling alley in one of your rich people homes.”

Rachel sticks his tongue out at him and reaches her foot across to nudge him. It starts some sort of kicking war, except it’s really funny and awkward because they have to stretch across the floor to reach each other. Connor has to fold up his legs to avoid being a victim in the chaos.

Next, to him, Miranda’s leaning over his shoulder to grab one of the tater tots. His arm is awkwardly pushed in the middle of her small chest, and brushing her thigh. Connor swallows, nearly jerking away. No touching, his personal rule that everyone seems to like breaking. Why do they keep touching?

“You alright?” Rachel stops her kicking to look at him. “Con?”

“Yeah-”

“He’s fine!” Travis wraps his arm around Connor’s shoulder, pulling him in. Travis looks at Connor. “He’s just being all in his head- you know how Con gets.”

Miranda touches Connor’s arm lightly. “You okay, Connor?”

With all this attention, Connor really hopes that Katie doesn’t notice. She had gone to the bathroom and is only now heading back. If Katie asks about him, he might just freak out. Then she’ll think he’s weird and we really wouldn’t want that, would we? Connor’s life would be o v e r.

“It’s your turn,” Connor lifts his head to find his angel, Nico, in all his glorious black skinny jeans and Avenged Sevenfold shirt glory. He gives Connor a look like, _Come on now. Get over it already._ This is his best friend, and he’s doing his proper BFF services for Connor.

When Connor gets to high school, he’s going to have to leave Nico alone by himself.

Connor bowls a 9, and everything is fine. Katie claps for him, all teeth and gums. He feels like a winner- a real-life winner!

Nice.

 

 

 

In his Earth Sciences class, Connor meets Cecil Markowitz. He’s Jewish, and Connor’s never met a real Jew. Wow, a real-life Jew!

Okay… that definitely sounds _odd_. But he’s only ever met Christians or Atheists or Christians-Turned-Atheists or Atheists-Turned-Christian. His own mom had grown up Protestant, and his dad’s family never settled for a specific religion.

Connor hadn’t even known there was a Jewish community in town. Maybe when he was little he might’ve seen some people with those little hats, but maybe not.

Connor slaps down his notebook and hops on his lab chair. “Hello, Cecil!”

Cecil jumps and stares at Connor with wide eyes. Perhaps he had been more eager than he thought. Cecil coughs and nods at Connor. “Hi.”

“Are you excited for uh, Yom Kippur? No school, am I right?” He had researched the topic when he got home yesterday to seem more educated. Why didn’t they teach this stuff in school?

Cecil gives him a tight-lipped smile. “I guess.”

Connor flinches. “Er, how was your summer?”

“You asked me that yesterday.”

“Well, I’m still interested. I’ll tell you what I did.”

“You said you went to Michigan to see a few of your relatives.”

“It was Canada. Like, Montreal. It’s really nice up there.”

“Oh. Fun, I guess.”

Connor shifts in his seat. This isn’t going too well. He shouldn’t have brought up the Yom Kippur thing. It must’ve spoiled the conversation- why did he do that? Stupid. Cecil doesn’t want to talk to him anymore, and Connor doesn’t know anyone else in the class except for freaking Mitchell What’sHisFace who Connor hasn’t talked to since the freaking first grade. And Mitchell What’sHisFace probably remembers when Connor and Travis forced him to eat half a worm and wouldn’t want to talk to Connor either. Then he’ll be in his dumb Earth Science class with no one to talk to, and two people who probably hate him.

“Earth Science is crazy, right?” Connor tries again.

Cecil nods, giving a small exasperated laugh. Which is definitely better than nothing. “Sure. _Real_ crazy. The whole rocks and oceans stuff.”

“Yeah, totally.” Connor croaks. Seriously?! _Earth Science is crazy?_ At least Cecil hadn’t pulled away yet. He’s still there and talking to Connor which should count for something.

Cecil writes something down in his notebook. They had to use pens like if they were in a real lab, but it’s dumb because they’re just 15-year-olds in the Baby Science Class. Connor doesn’t like using pens because not only is his handwriting not too great, but also because he makes a lot of mistakes.

Connor tries to be as inconspicuous as he can to see what Cecil had been writing. Just the warm-up on the board.

“It’s the Earth’s crust,” Cecil suddenly says.

“Wha-”

He clears his throat and taps his pen against the notebook paper. “The answer is the Earth’s crust.” Cecil looks up, just in time for the teacher's gaze to go over them. He taps his pen on the answer again.

“Oh,” Connor definitely understands what Cecil wants him to do, but something in his head isn’t connecting. That’s the answer, so he should write it down. But he doesn’t even have the question written down! If he skips lines, he might end up having too much space at the top of his paper, but if he doesn’t skip enough lines then he might not have enough space to write down the question.

Even worse, the teacher’s already clicked along, her electronic board going to the next slide filled with information. Doesn’t she check these books? She’s going to see that Connor hadn’t written anything and mark a few points away. And he can’t have anything less than an A in this class because last year, _Travis_ got a B, so if Connor gets a B too, he’ll just get compared to Travis. And that’s. That’s Not Great.

Cecil slides his notebook over, and Connor grins at him. There’s an unspoken agreement between them, or at least Connor thinks there is. No more dumb questions, and Cecil’s got his back.

He’s made a friend. Cool.

 

 

 

Nico is Connor’s best friend, simply through elimination.

Travis can’t be his best friend, because Connor kind of hates him. Trav’s annoying because he’s only a year older than him and everyone makes a big deal about it when they really shouldn’t. His mom keeps babying him, despite the fact that he’s not a baby anymore.

And it’s even worse when they’re not together and Connor’s not Travis’ Little Brother, but he becomes Mini Travis, who everyone compares him to. It was really bad when they were smaller because whenever people moved Travis away, they were always quick to point out how inferior Connor is in comparison. _It’s a shame he doesn’t interact with the other kids like his brother did,_ they would say when Connor played by himself. _He doesn’t talk too much, but that Travis won’t shut up._

Rachel isn’t Connor’s best friend, only because she doesn’t seem to want to be _anyone’s_ best friend. She had always been perfectly fine being by herself, but at the same time handled being with others with ease. If anything, Rachel and Nico might be really close, because they knew each other before anyone else.

Katie isn’t Connor’s best friend, but he doesn’t mind that. She’s bossy and competitive, which isn’t exactly the best match for him. Also, he figures it’ll be really awkward for them to be best friends.

Miranda could’ve been his best friend, but she’s too quiet. She seems almost as desperate to escape her older sister’s shadow as much as Connor is, and he _really_ doesn’t want to bond over something like that. She also likes him, which is super weird to think about, especially because _she_ doesn’t know that _he_ knows.

He hardly knows Cecil, but he could be best friends with him in the future, maybe. And there’s this other kid, Sherman, who’s been introduced into the group through Katie, but he yells a lot and gets into detention fairly often, so Connor tries to avoid him.

By default, this leaves Nico. Nico was the first person to find Connor’s Prozac and kept it a secret until Connor told everyone himself, so he figures that he can tell the younger boy everything. Nico was the one to go with Connor to his first prescription run and has gone with ever since for some reason.

Besides, Connor’s the only one who knows about Will, that guy who works at CVS on Saturdays. And Connor’s really good with keeping secrets! So they must trust each other at some level.

But Connor also remembers that Nico hadn’t even liked him a few years ago. It was only after Bianca had her accident when Nico started to really hang out with them. If that never happened, Nico probably wouldn’t be friends with Connor or any of the rest of them (except Rachel, of course).

Anyway. Nico’s Connor’s best friend by elimination.

 

 

 

“Your house is cool,” Miranda says. She turns to the counter. “Is that a fish?”

“Hmm?” Connor hangs up the phone. It was his mom telling him to fo the laundry later because she’s coming home late due to covering someone’s shift. His dad is in the living room, snoring away. He squints at the fishbowl. “Oh yeah, that’s Hermes IV.”

“Hermes the Fourth?” Miranda’s got on some sort of red gloss on her lips. It makes her lips look really great. “What happened to the rest?”

“Well,” Connor counts on his fingers, “the first one starved, the one after that got knocked over, and the one after _that_ committed fish suicide.”

“Fish suicide!” Miranda echoes. She presses her face against the glass. “That’s crazy!”

“Yeah, we’re not that good at keeping fish, but my mom says it’ll teach responsibility. You can feed him if you want.” Connor gazes at the bow. Through the glass, Miranda’s face is all big and blown out of proportion, so her eyes seem huge. They’re just brown, a darker shade to Katie’s eyes. What’s Katie doing right now?

“Your mom? Where is she?” Miranda is cautious when she pours the fish food into the bowl. Connor has to grab her hand and shake it for her. He accidentally pours too much and hopes that this Hermes wouldn’t get obese like Hermes II. That Hermes was a glutton little goldfish who kept eating all the food and just kept expanding and expanding.

Connor pulls his hand away because Miranda seems to be getting the wrong idea from the touch. He just wanted to feed his family’s pet, not get frisky with the girl. “Uh, she’s at work. She’s a waitress at Red Lobster.”

“I love Red Lobster.” Miranda sighs. “My mom has a flower shop. Feel free to stop by, it’s a really nice place.”

“That explains it,” Connor reaches over her head to reach the cereal box on top of the fridge. “You and Katie always smell like dirt.”

“Dirt!” Miranda flushes and steps away. “We- we smell like dirt?”

“It’s not bad,” Connor shrugs. He pulls out a hand of bootleg Froot Loops. They taste the same, they’re just store brand, and therefore cheaper. “It’s good dirt.”

“Oh. Okay, I guess,” Miranda doesn’t quite lose her coloring. She tugs on her turtleneck collar. “Do you want to study now or…?”

“Sure,” Connor takes the box of cereal and leads her up the stairs. He had moved into the attic with Travis a few years ago, and while he used to enjoy being with his brother, he often ended up complaining about the lack of privacy. Many nights he would wake to find Travis masturbating or rolling out his bed.

Now, however, is not one of those times, and he’s ultimately grateful that Travis is on his bed, lying on his back, listening to music and reading. The older Stoll looks up when he hears their footsteps and gives Connor a look.

“Miranda, huh?” Travis smirks, upside down.

“Shut up.” Connor drags his bag from beside his bed to the giant space near the stairs. The two of them were saving up allowance money to buy a TV and put it there. Originally, Travis had wanted an air hockey machine but Connor lightly coaxed him out of it.

Miranda waves at Travis, who has that gross look on his face, before flipping onto his stomach to continue reading. Miranda slides to the floor, back against the wall, opening her bookbag.

They share history class together, a class about the latter half of U.S. History after the Civil War in the late 1800s. Connor doesn’t care much for history, but Miranda seems engrossed in it, so it takes them some time to get through the content. She takes very careful notes- her notebook is filled with highlighting and bullets, with her textbook being covered with sticky notes and dog-eared pages.

She even wrote along the sidelines of a table in the textbook, despite the fact that they weren’t supposed to write on those.

“Oops,” Miranda tries to flip the page to avoid Connor from seeing it. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? I just really need to understand this stuff.”

Connor shrugs. “It’s not my book, so it’s not my problem.”

It’s nearly an hour that passes when Travis groans loudly and staggers to his feet. He stretches, itching his stomach, and squints at the two. He had fallen asleep nearly an hour ago, and neither Connor nor Miranda bothered to wake him up.

“What year is it?” Travis mumbles, throwing his book on the bed. “Since when does Con have a girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Connor says, throwing his pencil at him. “Go away.”

“Need to pee, anyway.” Travis sniffs his armpit. “Gonna take a shower too. Is Mom home?”

“No.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Man, you sure are touchy,” Travis snatches some clothes off the floor. It could belong to either one of them- Connor’s a bit taller but they’re around the same height. However, it’s probably Travis’ considering he throws his stuff wherever he wants, while Connor prefers keeping his side of the room cleaner. “I’m taking a bath, don’t wait up.”

He climbs down the stairs like a clumsy elephant, making Connor sigh and put away his books. Miranda packs up quickly, and peers around the room. She takes interest in Connor’s guitar.

“I didn’t know you play,” Miranda touches the body of the instrument. Her finger traces along the strings. “Are you good?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” Connor sits on his bed. He winces when Miranda plucks a string. “I haven’t played in a while so it’s out of tune.”

“I think it’s really cool though! Did you take lessons? Can Travis play too?” Miranda sits at Connor’s desk. She rests her cheek in her hand, smiling at him. “I can play the flute, so maybe we should just meet up and play together.”

Connor doesn’t know many songs that are just flute and guitar, but Miranda seems happy enough. Maybe if he played with her, he can siphon off some of the joy. “I taught myself, and Trav can barely play the triangle. Our dad tried to get him into a trumpet, but he got bored and went into ice skating and like, I dunno, hockey.”

“Ice skating, that’s cool too!” Miranda says. “Your family is awesome! I only learned to play the flute because I took the band. I think Katie can play the piano, but I haven’t heard her play since our dad died.”

Right, Connor remembers Miranda mentioning her dad a few times before. She’s open with personal stuff like that, though Connor can’t imagine why. He died in a car crash, him just walking down the street to pick up the girls from daycare when the car runs through a red light. If that happened to Connor’s dad, he wouldn’t even know how to deal with that.

“My family’s not awesome,” Connor focuses on that part of her statement. “They’re boring.”

He really wishes it wasn’t so. His family is so… average. His mom’s a waitress, his dad’s a plumber. His loser brother works at 7-Eleven. Connor’s not super smart like his mom hoped him to be, and he’s not athletic like his dad wished. Why couldn’t his life be exciting?

He’s gonna end up with a boring job, with a wife who could do much better, 2 kids, and end up in some regular old boring house. He’ll be stuck in his white, lower-middle-class, suburban life forever. He probably won’t even leave the state.

“What type of music do you listen to?” Miranda asks.

“All types I guess,” Connor pauses. “Not country though.”

“What?” Miranda exclaims. “I love country music! It’s so personal and amazing.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “Those aren’t even reasons.”

“You ever heard a good country song?” Miranda swipes at her bangs. “They have a lot of meaning and, uh, _heart_.”

“It’s not the best.”

“But it’s _beautiful_.”

“That’s seriously debatable.”

“How can you not like country?”

“It’s not the best.”

“Well,” Miranda sits next to him on the bed. “Let me hear what you listen to.”

Connor slides off the bed as soon as Miranda plops down next to him. He plays it off like he originally did it to grab the CDs under his bed. He drops one in his lap. “You can borrow this, I guess. It’s just a bunch of songs I downloaded to my USB and burned at the library.”

Miranda looks like she’s been given the world, but doesn’t know what to do with it. “I don’t have a CD player.”

Connor shrugs. “Most cars do. If you have an Xbox it’ll work too.”

“I don’t have an Xbox.”

“Really? Everyone does.”

“ _I_ don’t.”

“Well, maybe you should get one.” Connor leans back on the palm of his hands. “You know, for someone who’s normally so quiet, you’re really like, y’know, _passionate_.”

Miranda blushes. “Well, I like being here. With you, I mean. I mean-” her eyes dart around the room, “-uh, I like _talking_ to you. You’re different than the others.”

Connor really shouldn’t have said anything. All he had to do was keep his big fat mouth closed and let the girl leave. She would leave, probably forget about the CD, and he’ll carry on with his life.

She called him special though. He’s pretty much been called special his entire life. His mom calls him special, because _she’s his mom_ , and his dad calls him special when he does something right. Luke calls him special in a mean way because Connor receives so much of that ‘special’ attention. Travis is kind of mean about it to, but he also says it to cheer Con up. The kids at school (not at CHB but his schools before that) used especially in a very meaningful way, while his teachers used it as a “he’s different and needs extra care but he shouldn’t think he can get away with everything”. His therapist uses it very nicely, but Connor just thinks she’s a really nice person in general.

Connor has yet to figure out how Miranda would use special, despite the fact that they’ve known each other since they were 7.

“How am I different?” Connor finds himself asking.

Miranda rolls the CD case in her hands. “You’re cooler than everyone else. They’re all so sucked up in their lives, but you’re not. I think you really see people.”

“See people?”

“Yeah. You understand the world and other people. You _see_ me.”

He has no clue what she’s talking about. He _sees_ her? What?

“Jesus _Christ_ , you’re still here?” Their heads spin to the stairs to where Travis is sitting. “Can you two just get a room or something?”

Miranda begins her stammering, and Connor sighs, falling back into the floor. His head makes a thunk noise, and the pain swallows up the back and forth between Travis and Miranda. This is too messy for him, way too messy.

He feels a light touch on his arm and he opens his eyes. Miranda’s staring back. “I’m gonna get going. See you on Monday, Con.”

“Yeah, see you later.” Connor watches her leave and. And _yeah_ , he can kind of see what Travis talks about with the wonders of a girls ass. Miranda chose a very swishy skirt to wear that clings close to her legs.

Unfortunately, Travis can be rather sharp at times. He smirks at Connor and kicks his leg. “Checking out the goods, I see. Not bad, if I do say so, myself.”

“Don’t talk to me.”

Travis flops onto his bed. “Hey, you’re the pervert here, not me. Though I definitely didn’t expect _Miranda_.”

Connor sits up and stares at his brother. “Stop it. Stop talking.”

“I totally thought you had the hots for Katie.” Travis yawns. “But Miranda’s not bad either. Not bad at all…”

Is he that transparent, or is Travis that perceptive? Travis is a blabbermouth though. If he knows, then he might tell Katie and that’ll be a Big Issue. Big Issues Connor can’t deal with- things like what college he wants to go to, how to tell his mom to stop touching, when will he get his learner’s permit. He can deal with a Small Issue, easy-peasy, but if Katie knew, then his life would be over. No coming back. He’ll just have to switch schools or move away or just simply die.

“Anyway,” Travis cracks his knuckles. “At least you’re getting somewhere, buddy.”

“What? Big bad Travis doesn’t have a girlfriend?” Connor so desperately wants to shift the attention from himself.

Travis doesn’t seem to care about the change in conversation. He stretches all over his bed. “I don’t mind. Haven’t found the one yet. But I’ll know when I see her.”

“And how would you know that?”

“‘Cause she’ll have big anime titties and would like cheeseburgers.”

Connor snorts. “Wow.”

“Yeah, that’s probably what I’ll say too.” Travis turns his head. He cups his chest. “Huge ones. Like gigantic melons. And then I’ll bury my face in them every day.”

“I actually hate you right now. Please, shut up.”

Travis wiggles his eyebrows and squeezes the air- probably imaging his dream girl with big boobs. “ _Oh, Travis, you’re so good at that! Ooooh, squeeze them-”_

Connor has to actually throw a _shoe_ at him to make him shut up.

 

 

 

On Halloween, Nico stops by Connor's house.

“Ah!” Connor goes. “You scared me- oh wait, that's not a costume. It's just you.”

“You're funny.” Nico steps inside his house. He jumps at the scream that welcomes him into the home.

“We're watching all the Scream movies,” Connor thumbs towards the living room. “By we, I mean me and my mom.”

“Oh,” Nico’s brows furrow. “Should I come back or-”

“Nah, you're fine.” Connor leans into the doorway to look at his mom. “Mom, I'm taking Nico upstairs!”

Connor's mom doesn’t turn around, too engrossed with the slasher film. She waves a popcorn filled hand. “Don't eat all the candy, love! It's for the trick or treaters!”

“Okay, Mom.”

Connor rolls his eyes and heads to his room. He cringes at the number of candy wrappers on Travis’ empty bed and sits at his desk. “What's up? You never come around my house.”

Nico sits on Connor's bed. He has really good posture, and he manages to keep his body parts close to himself. Normally, Connor would in a sort of weird in-between state of 'feeling-comfortable-and-loose’ and 'am-i-being-obnoxious-and-rude?’. But Nico's got this sort of etiquette stuff down since he was little.

“Where's your dad?” Nico asks instead.

Connor spins in his chair. “Dunno. Him and my mom got into a fight again and he ran out really angry. But he'll be back soon because he really likes her pumpkin pie.”

“Your parents are married, right?”

“Yeah.” Connor spins faster. “Don't know how long it's going to last though. They've been fighting even since Luke was an only child.”

Nico’s gaze slides to the window. “That sounds bad.”

“Did your parents fight?”

“Not really. They had a lot of those secret conversations behind locked doors. They were really into each other, so they sent each other flowers on random days just to see each other smile.”

“Oh,” Connor's quick to respond, but he's not sure why. He feels like he kind of _has_ to say something to make his parents seem more redeemable. “I mean, all the arguments are just my parents' way of yelling back and forth that they care.”

Nico’s lip twitches and he glances at Connor before quickly looking away. Connor's face burns. He really shouldn't have said that. Is he stupid or something?

“Er, so what'd you come here for?” Connor’s chair squeaks under his weight. He flicks the handle and slumps as his seat goes down

Nico tugs on his hoodie zipper. “It's Percy. His dad finally got a place to stay, and they're letting Percy live with him.”

Connor doesn't know much of Percy Jackson. They were a sort of friends-of-friends situation. Connor's seen him in the halls of CHB but he hardly felt right in saying hi to him. They’re not really close friends or anything.

“That’s good, right?” Connor says. “He gets to be with his dad, I guess.”

“It means he’s not going to be at CHB next year.”

“... Okay? What about it?”

Nico shrugs. “I don’t know. Just thought it would be better to go to the same school as him. We used to be good friends, and he knew B.”

“I know. But like, being friends with him isn’t going to get you, like, _closer_ to her.” Connor frowns. “That’s a pretty shitty reason to be someone’s friend.” But. That’s why Nico’s Connor’s friend, isn’t it?

Nico doesn’t say anything to that. He falls back into Connor’s bed with a big huff and crosses his arms over his eyes. “I could go to SPQR too, you know. My house is along that borderline, so it’s not that big of a deal. Hazel goes there, anyway so it’s better cause we’ll graduate together.”

“Okay, but the rest of us are still at CHB.”

“Yeah,” Nico says. “I know.”

They don’t have much to talk about after that.

 

 

“Dude,” Travis says as he skates by Connor. “Guess what happened at school on Friday?”

“I was _at_ school. Of course, I know about the whole lunch food thing.” Connor shoves off his arm. He stumbles and has to grab the railing.

“No, not that, I mean, _yeah_ , but like, dude, some kid literally hooked up this thing, where like, _confetti_ fell when the gym teacher opened the door, and it was like, _everywhere_.”

“What?” Connor can’t understand Travis when he gets like this. His eyes are gleaming, and he spins around in circles. “Slow down.”

Travis grins at him. “There is a prank _god_ at our school, okay? I’ve heard of them before, but like, _whoa_.”

“Okay, and…?”

“No, that’s it.” Travis lifts one of his legs. “Man, you’re _so_ slow.”

“Shut up.” Connor scowls. “Not all of us are competitive ice skaters.”

Travis scoffs. “That was years ago. And shut up- you have your weird _guitar_ thing.”

“Not the same.” Definitely not the same. Connor’s never received awards (seven- Travis has fucking _seven_ ) nor praise from his family for playing a tune. He’s never had a coach or a teacher, he’s never had the entire family seen him perform, he’s never had a victory dinner for a job well done. It’s definitely _not_ the same at _all_.

Travis snickers and skates away. Connor slides off the ice to sit and watch his family go around in circles without him. He’s tucked away in the darker outer loop, while Travis delights his parents with his fast laps and twirls.

It’s not the same.

 _They’re_ not the same.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't tell you when i will update next :'). this literally took 3 months ok. i think i stopped it here because i think this is the best introduction i can manage. if anything i'll post drew before an update to this, because i enjoy having the option of having more than one project open. 
> 
> feel free to express any feelings you might have! do it here or @my tumblr [capolleon](https://capolleon.tumblr.com/)
> 
> have a good day!!!!! :))))


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